Caduceus Newsletter:

When it's true love, it will last forever - Special Valentine's Day 2002 edition

 è 1. When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, THAT'S AMORE!…From the October 1, 2001 edition of In the News, a daily news digest of Sigma Xi.
è 2. SOOTY! (What a guy!!)
è3. The following were actually taken from Classified Ads in Newspapers
è 4. Ya gotta be careful with what you tell your kids. (From an issue of the Cornell Connection.) 
è 5. Let's face it -- from a physiological standpoint, all mammals are the same: Zoos Try to Raise Tiger Numbers With Viagra
è 6. Some men are so-o-o-o insensitive. (From the December 29, 2001 issue of the Commercial Appeal.)
è 7. And some men are just plain stupid. (Also from the December 29, 2001 issue of the Commercial Appeal.)
è 8. It's always better to give than to receive…Take it from Pseudoceros bifurcus.
è 9. Makes ya wonder what the female of the species is called, y'know?…
è 10. Makes ya wonder what the male of the species is called, y'know?…

 è 1. When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, THAT'S AMORE!…From the October 1, 2001 edition of In the News, a daily news digest of Sigma Xi.

 ABALONE AMORE

from The Los Angeles Times

White abalone are so rare that the federal government lists them as in danger of extinction. They are so stressed that they haven't been found breeding in the wild for years. So biologists who started a captive breeding program to save the species faced a formidable challenge: how to get the white abalone in the mood. Call it chemistry. Call it lucky in love. But expert abalone handlers figured it out. Start by gently scrubbing the shells with a soft-bristle brush. Then dim the lights. Next, a bath in clean, chilled water. And, finally, pour in a special potion researchers call an abalone aphrodisiac. Success was achieved on the second try. One male and two females spawned at the same time. The progeny--6 million baby mollusks.

<http://www.latimes.com/news/science/la-000078536oct01.story?coll=la%2Dnews%2Dscience>

è 2. SOOTY! (What a guy!!)

è3. The following were actually taken from Classified Ads in Newspapers

• Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8 years old. Hateful little dog
• Free Puppies: 1/2 cocker spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
• Free Puppies…Part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.
• German Shepherd - 85 lbs. NEUTERED, speaks German. Free.
• FOUND: Dirty white dog. Looks like a rat…Been out awhile…BETTER BE REWARD.
• 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
• Cows, calves never bred…ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
• HUMMELS - largest selection ever - "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!!"
• LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY
• FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

è 4. Ya gotta be careful with what you tell your kids. (From an issue of the Cornell Connection.) 

Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karey, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it was O.K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They said OK. After my next trip several weeks later, Karey and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers. As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!" As I waved back, I said loudly, "What's the good news?"

"Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" Alex shouted. The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.

è 5. Let's face it -- from a physiological standpoint, all mammals are the same: Zoos Try to Raise Tiger Numbers With Viagra

 Reuters

BEIJING (Dec. 6) - Chinese zoos will give Viagra to South China tigers with no sex drive in a last ditch effort to raise the numbers of the highly endangered species, state media reported on Thursday.

A pair of male tigers showing ''no sexual desire'' at a zoo in China's southern province of Sichuan will be the first to receive doses of the anti-impotence drug, the Xinhua news agency said.

Cage life was responsible for their infertility, it said.

Ten zoos around the country are home to 49 South China tigers, a rare species experts say could become extinct because they are raised in isolation, live in unsuitable artificial surroundings and because of inbreeding, Xinhua said.

The annual meeting of the South China Tiger Protection Society found that six years of protection work had done little to help reduce the danger of extinction of the big cats, it said.

There are only 20-30 wild South China tigers remaining, Xinhua said.

Scientists have also considered using Viagra to boost the sex drive of captive Giant Pandas, another endangered species that has trouble mating.

One Chinese research institute even tried to educate impotent pandas about sex by showing them videos of other pandas mating.

Reuters 11:23 12-06-01

è 6. Some men are so-o-o-o insensitive. (From the December 29, 2001 issue of the Commercial Appeal.)   

Longmont, Colo., police arrested Luis Contreras Jr., 21, accusing him of hitting his girlfriend's family's pet turkey with a cue stick while playing a game of pool.

"I understand it's alive, but the veterinarian has recommended it be euthanized because it was so badly damaged," said Longmont Police Cmdr. Craig Earhart.

The Daily Camera newspaper in Boulder reported that Rachel Ortiz, Contreras's girlfriend, told police the turkey was a family pet and she didn't know why he attacked it.

è 7. And some men are just plain stupid. (Also from the December 29, 2001 issue of the Commercial Appeal.)

An unfaithful Dutchman faces court action after phoning his wife over Christmas to tell her he had been kidnapped when he was really with his mistress. The 60-year-old Rotterdam man called his spouse from a mobile phone on Christmas eve to say unknown assailants had abducted him, police said. The police called in more than a dozen extra staff and launched a search, but discovered the kidnap claim was false when they traced him on Christmas Day.

"The man had decided to spend Christmas in the company of his lady friend instead of with his wife, and thought up a ruse that was appreciated neither by his spouse nor by the police," Rotterdam police said.

è 8. It's always better to give than to receive…Take it from Pseudoceros bifurcus.

Hermaphroditic organisms, which have complete male and female reproductive systems, usually engage in an equal and amicable exchange of sperm after which they both go about the business of nurturing their fertilized eggs.

NOT SO WITH Pseudoceros bifurcus, a flatworm, 2 to 3 inches long, found on the Great Barrier Reef at depths of around 15-20 meters. (There's your connection with the Sydney Olympics.) These guys are caught up in an evolutionary mindgame in which it is better to give, i.e. produce as many descendants, (or, to yak) than to receive, i.e. be burdened with producing eggs (or, to be yakked).

How do these hermaphroditic creatures yak their partner without being yakked? Well, these guys square off and engage in a behavior called "penis fencing", in which they square off and start striking and parrying with their sharp, everted little weenies (which are located at the tops of their heads), trying to yak their partner without being yakked. These bouts of penis fencing can last from 20 to 60 minutes, with the winner (the worm that manages to inject its sperm) becoming the male for that particular mating. The loser has to repair all this damage caused by the stabbing of the winner AND gets the added burden of fertilized eggs to care for. (DAMN!!)

è 9. Makes ya wonder what the female of the species is called, y'know?…

è 10. Makes ya wonder what the male of the species is called, y'know?…

 Sea Pussy: Meoma ventricosa:

A large irregular urchin that can attain a length of 5", but lives buried in the soft sandy sediment. It is elongate and flattened and has short spines up to 1/2" long that are usually a reddish brown in colour. It has 5 pronounced grooves on its upper surface with one groove (parallel to its longest dimension) less distinct than the other 4. Its mouth is on the underside and is designed to always be open. As it bulldozes through the sand, it scoops in sediment which passes through the digestive system from which nutrients are extracted.