Caduceus Newsletter: Special Valentine's Day 2004 edition

è 1. Ya gotta feel kinda sorry for this guy…
è 2. Now THIS is safe sex…
è 3. The Cadbury's Candy Co. and Merck Drug Co. have combined to market a birth control pill with a refreshing minty flavor that women may take immediately BEFORE a sexual encounter.
è 4. Now that it's Valentine's Day, Spring Break is not that far behind, so here are some ALCOHOL WARNINGS to remember when you're on the beach with thousands of other college students…
è 5. GIRLS! If you see anybody like this coming your way, I suggest you RUN!!

è 1. Ya gotta feel kinda sorry for this guy…

From the Saturday, 10 May 2003 issue of the Commercial Appeal: 

Vacation cut short
An Italian prisoner, who was given a three-day pass from Vigevano Prison for good behavior, asked to go back to his cell after spending less than a day with his wife, Ananova.com reports.

è 2. Now THIS is safe sex…

è 3. The Cadbury's Candy Co. and Merck Drug Co. have combined to market a birth control pill with a refreshing minty flavor that women may take immediately BEFORE a sexual encounter.

The Cadbury's Candy Co. and Merck Drug Co. have combined to market a birth control pill with a refreshing minty flavor that women may take immediately BEFORE a sexual encounter.

The Pill will be distributed by the large major drug store chains and Wal-Mart's Pharmacies.

è 4. Now that it's Valentine's Day, Spring Break is not that far behind, so here are some ALCOHOL WARNINGS to remember when you're on the beach with thousands of other college students…

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an ass hole.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary, whose species and/or name you can't remember.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are really tougher, smarter, faster and more handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that you are invisible.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING:
The consumption alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy. 

è 5. GIRLS! If you see anybody like this coming your way, I suggest you RUN!!