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Caduceus Newsletter: Valentine’s Day 2006 Special Edition. |
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è 1. OOOOOOH, that must have
hurt,…but only for a moment. è3. How Yodeling began. |
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From CNN.com, February 10, 2005: LONDON (Reuters) - A
British woman was sentenced to two and a half years in jail Thursday for
ripping off her ex-lover's testicle with her bare hands during a drunken
brawl after he refused her sex.
Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage in May last year after
Geoffrey Jones, 37, who had ended their long-term relationship, rejected her
advances. She grabbed him by the genitals, tearing off his left testicle,
then hid it in her mouth before a friend of Jones handed it back to him
saying "that's yours." Monti, of Birkenhead, near (Once again, alcohol was involved.) |
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è 2. Who's Your Daddy? |
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When someone puts in for Child Support, the proper thing to do is to find out who the father is and see why he is not providing support. The following are all replies that 1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night. 2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps. 3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl.
She was conceived at a party at Thanks. 4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced. 5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again. 6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise. 7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all blacks look the same to me. 8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time.... well I don't have a clue. 9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived
at Disney World; maybe it really is the 10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing
that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the
evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the
party at 11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart. |
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è3. How Yodeling began. |
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Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains
of Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn. As the story goes, the farmer's daughter came down from upstairs and asked her father, "Who's that man going into the barn?" "That's some fellow traveling through," said the farmer. "He needs a place to stay for the night, so I said he could sleep in the barn." The daughter said,"Perhaps he's hungry." So she prepared him a plate of food and took it out to the barn. About an hour later, the daughter returned, her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went. The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly and her hair all messed up. She also headed straight to bed. The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left. When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. "How could he leave without even saying goodbye,"she cried. "We made such passionate love last night!" "What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man who, by now, was halfway up the mountain. The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!" The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out: "LAIDTHEOLELADEETOO."
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è4. You know, if you’re a male,
it’s embarrassing to discover that most of the |
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2005 DARWIN AWARDS Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners. 1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his
intended victim during a holdup in And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space
for his car during a blizzard in returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an
8. As a female shopper exited a
9. The
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor
home parked on a |
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è5. If you’ve never had a
prostate gland examination… |
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This sums up what they feel like:
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è6. Somehow, I think women have
known this all along… |
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Size Does Matter in Bats' Evolution from Associated Press smaller brains. A research team led by Pitnick found that in bat species where the females are promiscuous, the males boasting the largest testicles also had the smallest brains. Conversely, where the females were faithful, the males had smaller testes and larger brains. "It turns out size does matter," said Pitnick, whose findings were published in December in "Proceedings of the Royal Society: Biological Science," an online journal. The study offers evidence that males -- at least in some species -- make an evolutionary trade-off between intelligence and sexual prowess, said David Hoskens, a biologist at the Centre for Ecology and Conservation at the behavior. (Ed. Note: This may explain Kathleen Turner’s
statement that she prefers men who are “not too bright.”) |
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è7. CHILDBIRTH - THROUGH A
CHILD'S EYES … |
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Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the
call. The house was very,very dark,so
the paramedic asked Katelyn, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high
over her mummy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on
his bottom.Connor began to cry. The
paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her
help and asked the wide-eyed 3 year old what she |
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è8. His behavior would be
understandable if his team had lost… |
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Posted at Yahoo.com, February 7, 2005:
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è9. Ron B., who sent me
this, is from Texas, so he ought to
know!... |
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A store that sells
husbands has just opened in Floor
1 - These men have jobs. "Oh,
mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping |
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è10. This, too, is SPORT! (Estonians won first AND second place
in the 2005 wife-carrying contest.) |
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An Estonian man has fought off a
challenge from a sumo wrestler to be named the world's best wife carrier. A record 7,000 spectators gathered for the fifth Wife
Carrying World Championships, in a village in Margo Uusorg took the title after carrying Birgit Ulrich
across the course in the best time. Experts put his success down to technique - carrying her
upside down, leaving both hands free - and her light weight of only 33.2
kilos. South Korean sumo wrestler Hwang Sunmi mounted a serious
challenge, employing a different hands-free technique to carry Kwang Duk
through the 250m watery course. But his strength was no match for the combination of
technique and speed employed by the Estonians, whose teams came first and
second in the contest. Competitors from eight countries took part in the event,
at Sonkajarvi in central Competition rules state that the couples taking part in
the wife-carrying contest do not actually need to be married. Originated Men can choose any woman over the age of 16 to be their
symbolic wife for the event. The winners claim prizes including the wife's weight in
beer. The festival originated in the 19th century when it was
common practice in |
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Dr. Stan Eisen,
650
E-mail: seisen@cbu.edu
http://www.cbu.edu/~seisen/
Caduceus Newsletter Archives: http://www.cbu.edu/~seisen/Caduceus.html